Welcome to the world of my inner Nichol ramblings.....as I sat outside this afternoon reading my book as I was flooded with a wide range of emotions, thoughts, and feelings. Flowing between wanting to cry (AND then crying) and then finding extreme joy and a sense of freedom. Talk about WIDE arrays of emotions, right? As I sat there feeling and floating between two extremes of what I was feeling and thinking....I noticed this space within me that questioned "Why do you have to feel so much? Why do you have to care so much what others think or perceive things to be? Why do you feel the pull to "fix" or "repair" things and have a hard time letting it just be? Why does discord or unsettled feelings bother you?" I can tell you this....the deep feeling and caring too much has been a huge blessing and curse in my life. (anyone else?)
I have always been the person who people come to for advice when they seek insight on situations, I have always been the mediator in conflicts or voice of reason for others, I have always been the one for people to vent to and hold that space for others to "let it all out", and I have always been that person who listens and offers the deep insights that others seek. And sometimes when I have done those things to help others I have also been the one to take the brunt of it all......which for a girl who dislikes conflict or confrontation....that can be extremely hard and taxing on me emotionally.(like really hard. Super tender-hearted over here) This is not me complaining at all....I think these are some of the gifts I came equipped with here while on Earth and this is what I am called to do from time to time. But I will say this.....it can be exhausting and draining. And maybe ( I am sure of this)......there are some lessons in the way things unfold that are meant just for me. The biggest one: "DO NOT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY."
Sometimes at the end of my day I can feel taken advantage of, I can feel depleted, or I can feel as though I am the support people seek....and I do not receive the same energy back into my life. Now, this may sound "oh, Poor me...", but I've had to learn that it is OKAY for me to FEEL these feels and own those parts of my humanness fully. I allow myself to feel validated for feeling this way....because I honor how I feel and I teach others to do the same. So why would I shove it down and not acknowledge how I feel? This would be such a disservice to myself to help everyone else,but to ignore myself. EVERYONE'S feelings are valid on some level or another.
I am learning everyday to navigate my feels and to allow the processing to take root within me. I am learning everyday that sometimes I will feel certain ways that make me feel uncomfortable and that's okay too. I am learning everyday that people may disappointment me or hurt my feelings...and I can either hang out in that vibration and feel sorry for myself or I can check in and ask, "What is this teaching me right now? What medicine is in this moment for me right now?" AND LISTEN. Truly listen.
Life is simple. It's so so so simple. Yet, we want to over-complicate it . We can truly simplify our lives if we stop thinking or reacting from the Ego....and instead, tune in and drop into the heart space. How does it feel? How does it desire to communicate? What does it need? If we stop making things so complicated and allow it to be simple we will find how much more harmoniously life will seem to flow for us. We will land where we are suppose to. We will say things we will not regret. We will do things that bring us close to who we truly are more and more each day. We will begin to unravel the mysteries around us. I, for one, am far more interested of riding the space within that energy space.
Much Love, Hugs, and Blessings-